its been a dsgusting week for me, been sick and lying in my bed for the past week=\ had on off fevers and very bad headache. then had stomach flu, lots of air in the stomach, so uncomfortable..! only went to school on wednesday... 1 day week! you peeps must be jealous! but being sick isnt very nice.

then... things start to complicate. that sms from him made me confused and messed up. i shdnt have started all these... haiis. but in the end... they were just lies. i was there lying in bed... feeling a little happier for once
then... all these turned out to be just a... LIE! im not angry... and i dont hate you and i wun... cos it would be childish for me to do so. but... why? why do you have to do this?

well... but after this... it made me realise that... mayb i've only treated you as a fren all along. there wasnt love at all from the very beginning.

to my dearest kor:
are you that determined not to talk to me?
or are you simply just shocked by what i've said?
i really didnt mean it
i didnt mean to talk to you like that
and im not like what you think
i do spare a thought for people...
im not unreasonable or what
but its just that...
under those circumstances...
its quite hard to think
and i really couldnt think at all
i really didnt know what i was doing
and what i was actually saying
i wasnt really myself
its my fault... i admit
BUT
could you please talk to me?
i cant take it already...
i need you...
it feels weird without you...
no one's telling me to sleep early every night
and to take care of myself
I WANT YOU BACK!

i really dont know what to do already...

i've tried all ways to explain to you

till i find myself irritating...

like this stinking fly

but i need to get it clear with you

please please please DONT ignore me

why wont you listen?

will someone please please please tell me what to do

im totally at lost...

to that someone:

im not as strong as you think...

and im not as happy as how i look like from outside

its just that i dont show my unhappiness out on my face

bcos i prefer to bring smiles to people

instead of making them worry for me

i prefer to keep it inside

i only confide to certain people

BUT...

i DO have my troubles too...

and im HUMAN!

i DO cry at times bcos im sad

I DO have FEELINGS

this is to my dearest daowei kor, who have been there for me when i was flooding my dustbin with tissues yesterday night. in fact... his always there for me... i wun forget you ok? how could i?!=)

*lost and sick*
qing